you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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