I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
