I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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