what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
