hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
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You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
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I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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