i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Go christen that room with your naked body.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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