I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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