i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
