Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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