I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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