go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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