i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
