There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
