The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine