I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night