ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.