i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Floor bacon is actually really good