So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
