Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"

(1-513): View more from Ohio

You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.

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(513): So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!" (1-513): You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks. http://tfl.nu/bvbo

Replies (30) Good night (845) Bad night (1791)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome

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(306): Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls (1-306): I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome http://tfl.nu/f4ni

Replies (23) Good night (4923) Bad night (918)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

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(847): I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note. http://tfl.nu/4rpl

Replies (47) Good night (14305) Bad night (1573)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.

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(314): I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often. http://tfl.nu/x1ce

Replies (7) Good night (3326) Bad night (902)
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(816): View more from Missouri

I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.

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(816): I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there? (1-816): Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket. http://tfl.nu/46j7

Replies (9) Good night (3379) Bad night (1076)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.

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(401): She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal. http://tfl.nu/0f54

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(406): View more from Montana

The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.

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(406): The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been. http://tfl.nu/1jfg

Replies (3) Good night (1383) Bad night (1801)
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(208): View more from Idaho

I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same

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(208): I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same http://tfl.nu/tmvd

Replies (3) Good night (1880) Bad night (655)
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(561): View more from Florida

There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it

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(561): There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it http://tfl.nu/iil4

Replies (8) Good night (1310) Bad night (592)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm two sheets to the sexual wind

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(859): I'm two sheets to the sexual wind http://tfl.nu/hwsp

Replies (6) Good night (1222) Bad night (627)
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(847): View more from Illinois

So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.

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(847): So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day. http://tfl.nu/zt4q

Replies (1) Good night (791) Bad night (498)
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(404): View more from Georgia

PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!

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(404): PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!! http://tfl.nu/r6da

Replies (13) Good night (2058) Bad night (726)
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(716): View more from New York

We found Mulan.

(409): View more from Texas

I thought you were in bed what the hell

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(716): We found Mulan. (409): I thought you were in bed what the hell http://tfl.nu/ar2j

Replies (3) Good night (886) Bad night (362)
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(440): View more from Ohio

My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.

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(440): My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future. http://tfl.nu/caoj

Replies (1) Good night (487) Bad night (545)
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(530): View more from California

Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.

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(530): Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber. http://tfl.nu/lvwx

Replies (3) Good night (454) Bad night (670)

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