Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.

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  (860): Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV. http://tfl.nu/ridn
  Replies (2) Good night (592) Bad night (2573)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.

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  (631): I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do. http://tfl.nu/h9wr
  Replies (6) Good night (3821) Bad night (787)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.

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  (630): just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now. http://tfl.nu/m10w
  Replies (29) Good night (8004) Bad night (685)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.

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  (740): he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero. http://tfl.nu/6a8a
  Replies (10) Good night (3536) Bad night (1021)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.

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  (919): My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD. http://tfl.nu/zazo
  Replies (7) Good night (3336) Bad night (1143)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.

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  (301): i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk. http://tfl.nu/vlxs
  Replies (11) Good night (3997) Bad night (1686)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"

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  (201): I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad" http://tfl.nu/8w1c
  Replies (13) Good night (4734) Bad night (1359)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors

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  (870): He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors http://tfl.nu/atyp
  Replies (6) Good night (2523) Bad night (831)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

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  (360): if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked http://tfl.nu/kcmn
  Replies (24) Good night (5293) Bad night (2089)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.

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  (920): Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling. http://tfl.nu/jjpj
  Replies (33) Good night (2421) Bad night (1201)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.

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  (978): there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point. http://tfl.nu/h06c
  Replies (4) Good night (667) Bad night (1262)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers

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  (484): I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers http://tfl.nu/srrb
  Replies (4) Good night (907) Bad night (553)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."

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  (309): You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that." http://tfl.nu/6ywd
  Replies (3) Good night (984) Bad night (377)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right

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  (610): I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right http://tfl.nu/fw6i
  Replies (2) Good night (569) Bad night (656)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!

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  (503): Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered! http://tfl.nu/55g9
  Replies (8) Good night (934) Bad night (328)

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