Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.

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  (313) 4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh. http://tfl.nu/kzwc
  Replies (11) Good night (1160) Bad night (2386)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.

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  (505): I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously. http://tfl.nu/fpp3
  Replies (23) Good night (3105) Bad night (803)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.

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  (720): You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive. http://tfl.nu/qvhh
  Replies (94) Good night (8041) Bad night (1699)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE

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  (314): BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE http://tfl.nu/wuvh
  Replies (5) Good night (2423) Bad night (793)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.

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  (724): Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote. http://tfl.nu/ighh
  Replies (26) Good night (4006) Bad night (1657)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.

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  (815): There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms. http://tfl.nu/aown
  Replies (16) Good night (3212) Bad night (1043)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess

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  (215): before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess http://tfl.nu/dqew
  Replies (15) Good night (2064) Bad night (1186)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.

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  (206): I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine. http://tfl.nu/p8ml
  Replies (10) Good night (1375) Bad night (701)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up

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  (+44): Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up http://tfl.nu/86tf
  Replies (3) Good night (714) Bad night (976)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store

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  (678): My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store http://tfl.nu/soqr
  Replies (7) Good night (1037) Bad night (492)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.

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  (817): It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather. http://tfl.nu/66t1
  Replies (3) Good night (1376) Bad night (928)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body

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  (703): I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body http://tfl.nu/blet
  Replies (16) Good night (1093) Bad night (637)
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  (707): View more from California

  Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!

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  (707): Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that! http://tfl.nu/8zmt
  Replies (8) Good night (1080) Bad night (482)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.

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  (915): I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday. http://tfl.nu/5xu3
  Replies (5) Good night (403) Bad night (671)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option

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  (412): I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option http://tfl.nu/ggjd
  Replies (1) Good night (433) Bad night (260)

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