I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
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Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
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Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.