Dude my mom stole all your condoms
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?