also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
