I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
