I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize