He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
