I think my vagina is haunted
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize