I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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