Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
