I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
