why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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