He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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