Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
