i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
