Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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