u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
