The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
