i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
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I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
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I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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