Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
