You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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