4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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