he shaved USA in his pubs
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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