Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
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There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You are the jesus of drinking
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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