When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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