this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
