yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
