Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
