porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
