and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
