pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
