Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize