Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
