dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
