yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
