I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize