what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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