hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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