Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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