i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
