They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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