Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
