IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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