Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
