Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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