I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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