You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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