come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
