I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
