We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
