I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
