I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
