So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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